


Dean Turns Hopeful

by Cerulean_supwho



Series: Love for Hire [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Cowgirl Position, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Porn, Porn With Plot, Prostitution, Smut, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 06:55:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5775928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerulean_supwho/pseuds/Cerulean_supwho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is part of a series that starts with Dean Turns Pro. Alternate universe.<br/>Cas is on his third round of chemotherapy when Dean becomes overwhelmed. Help comes from an unexpected place. What will Cas do when he finds out about Rachel?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't leave these characters yet. I have plans for at least one more installment that will take place immediately after this one.

The sun was warm on his skin; the sound of the waves hitting the beach was even and soothing lulling him to drift between wakefulness and sleep. Castiel loved to come here; this was his happy place. Clear blue water, the tang of salt in the air, the soporific sounds of the rhythmic waves drowning out the electronic beeps of the ever present monitors and the acerbic and chemical smells permeating everything in the room. Weary and exhausted was the norm for him now and all he wanted was to be back on that sandy island, soaking up some Vitamin D and ogling his perfect boyfriend. Dean in the buff was a sight to behold so Cas revisited the ideal time he had spent lounging on the beach with a cold drink, and Dean scantily clad and romping in the bright aqua sea. That was the last time he had felt fully at peace, satisfied and hopeful that the impending doom he was experiencing would come to naught. He had Dean, a job he loved, his compelling research and no worries. ‘Hakuna matata’ right? No worries. He remembered the bliss of how simple and good his life had become; the ease of their daily routine was a thing of the past. There were a lot of things that were gone, his energy or even just the ability to walk to the bathroom by himself was gone. He felt like such a child, a drain on humanity, the burr in the side of his own life. When had he become so helpless, needy even? He hated what this was doing to Dean; knowing he was to blame for his haggard look decimated Cas’ spirit. He wouldn’t wish this pitiful state of affairs on anyone, much less his beloved Dean. 

Dean was too good. He took such good care of him. Cas had not lifted a finger in months; Dean had to take care of everything and all he could do was lay back and watch his illness bleed the life out of Dean. Cas knew that he had not brought this on, the illness was a random attack, he was just a statistic. It had to happen to someone and the fickle finger of fate had landed on him. ‘Why?’ was not something he felt compelled to ask, knowing that there was no answer to that question. What was devastating for Cas was having to watch Dean struggle every day to hold it together for his sake. That sweet, gentle man had bathed him, cleaned up vomit, fed him, cooked, cleaned, sat by his bedside and still had to work at a very demanding job. Cas was sure that Dean was struggling to maintain a brave face in the last few months. The selling of the condo was the evidence of their financial situation being really bad, and yet through it all, Dean never complained. He never made Cas feel bad about the weight he was carrying alone, the lack of sleep, the weight of all the responsibility tamping down his spirit. But Cas hated being unable to lift a finger to do the simplest things and the way it was affecting Dean.

Dean was losing his spark, that mischievous gleam in his eyes was gone and Cas wanted it back. Cas knew the bright smile he always had for him was forced and that Dean was dying a little with each passing day. At first they had been hopeful, even after the initial round of chemotherapy Dean’s buoyant spirit had kept them joyful. Dean had been so sweet and attentive when they believed it was all going to pass, that Cas would be cured and they could return to a normal life. Now after starting this third intense attempt at a cure, they were both drained of optimism and joy, because each day was tedious, containing pain, nausea, and fear. Cas knew Dean was afraid of losing him and Cas would do anything to alleviated that dread. He was willing himself to be strong for Dean, to endure the countless hours spent in misery, his body succumbing to the chemical attack on every cell in his body along with the cells affected by leukemia. 

Cas had overheard on more than one occasion Dean talking to hospital staff about the fees they were incurring from his prolonged stay. He could see the banked desperation in his boyfriend’s demeanor. Cas appreciated that Dean was trying to protect him from worry, and had hidden the details of their current financial state, and up till now he had been too tired to do anything about it. His mind was just too fuzzy, his thought processes disorganized to the point that he could not focus. Frustration would set in and he would find himself back on the beach, reveling in the comforting warmth of the tropics and Dean by his side with a smile that heated him up from the inside. How many hours had he wasted doing research, when he could have spent more time in Dean’s arms and in his bed? If Cas was honest with himself the thing he did feel guilty about, was that there had been no sex for months and months. Cas tried but could not remember the last time they had fucked. Cas had been too weak to perform in anyway lately and he was pretty sure the last time they had had sex was that night when Dean offered to do all the work so they could be together and rode Cas to completion. Since then Dean had quit asking and Cas hadn’t offered after he started his second course of chemo; he never really gained back his strength after that. 

Dean had been so tender that night that Cas’ heart wrenched with the memory.

Cas had gone back to teaching after the first round of chemo. Every day was a struggle to just get through it and he would fall into the bed as soon as he arrived home. Dean had been very patient with him; Cas saw him sizing up the situation from time to time to see if there was an opportunity for some loving. During that time Dean was careful to not push and often just offered to cuddle in the bed; he would lie there with Cas in his arms and pet him or fondle his hair. Dean was sincere in expressing that just being with Cas was enough for him, but he was a virile and very sexual being; Cas had been just as aggressively sexual in their relationship. He wanted sex but felt as if he was a hundred years old, his libido dusty and careworn like an abandoned house.

After a lazy Sunday at home they had cuddled, bathed together in the large tub that was one of the things he missed about their well appointed condo, and Dean had made a brunch of pancakes, bacon and fresh orange juice. Cas appetite had been poor and Dean always made sure Cas was well fed by enticing him with appealing and nourishing food. They dozed a while after they had eaten, read the Sunday paper, Cas waking to the feel of Dean’s chest against his back, his erection pressing in to the cleft of his ass and reaching around to stroke Cas’ cock. Dean was rutting along his cleft slowly with what he was sure was precome causing a cool, slick presence on his backside. Cas was hard and more aroused than he had been in a long time, heat rising from low in his belly causing him to press back alerting Dean that he was awake and interested. Dean nuzzled his neck, breathing warmly into his skin, “Mmm babe. You feel so good, smell good too.” Cas pressed harder back against Dean and sighed out, “Dean, you feel very, mnn, good too.”

“How’re you feeling?”

“Very stimulated.”

“Not that, I know you’re horny, but do feel good enough to you know?”

“Why Dean Winchester, are you propositioning me?”

“Hell, yeah I am.” The greedy tone was not lost on Cas. It was great to hear the desire in Dean’s voice and Cas did not want to disappoint.

“So do you think, well if I do most of the work, do you feel up to…?”

Dean had slipped his finger over the tip of Cas’ dick, smearing the slick wetness around and around the sensitive gland and massaging the head by pulling at it with the tips of his fingers. Cas felt better than he had in a while, was beginning to pant with need and just groaned out, “I would love to,” Cas answered as he turned his body to face Dean and leaned in to kiss him with a depth of passion and willingness to abandon his recent passive state of inertia.

Dean was ready with the lubricant and gestured to Cas, “Okay, I’ll let you help get me ready, here hold out your hand.”

“Why aren’t we prepping me Dean? I thought, well you know, I mean I don’t think I can..”

“Gonna ride you baby, told you I’d do most of the work.” Dean kissed Cas deeply and open, teasing their tongues together. “So give me your hand, angel.”

Cas opened his palm and Dean squirted it liberally with lube while slinging his upper leg over Cas’ hip, opening up the way for him. Cas eased his finger over the opening and rubbed around it, circling it with easy pressure. He pressed his finger in a little at a time and thrust it slowly in and out. Dean was humming with pleasure and canted his hips up, rubbing his cock along Cas’. Cas continued to work the one finger in and out and gradually entered the second, starting to use scissoring motions that helped to stretch and loosen Dean’s entrance. Dean was rocking his hips back and forth, so basically all Cas had to do was keep his fingers stationary while Dean fucked himself on them. 

“Ready for more babe,” Dean panted and Cas slid the third finger in meeting some resistance, but with adept motions he adjusted so that Dean could accommodate the width of all three. The couple’s mouths stayed glued together, meeting movement by movement with the practiced experience of bodies that knew one another, lips and tongues dancing to the familiar rhythm.

When Dean felt ready he spread lube up and down Cas’ shaft, eased him onto his back, and bracketed his knees around Cas’ hips. Dean raised his hips up, reached back and grasped Cas cock and guided it to his hole, allowing the tip to breach him a little at a time. It didn’t take long for him to adjust enough to sink all the way down and started a slow, languorous cadence of smooth thrusts as he rode Cas’ cock. Dean leaned over to support himself above Cas’ chest, procuring as much skin contact as possible, and allowing him access to Cas mouth. Dean kissed Cas tenderly and fucked himself slowly while he whispered softly into Cas’ ear.

“God I love you angel. I need you so much. Need you all the time. You’re so beautiful Cas,” this last was uttered as he locked onto Cas’ iced baby blues with his earnest greens, trying to return to the mind meld that they had shared so many times and was strongest when they gently coupled. They both knew Dean got his sappiest when he was bottoming, opening up was hard for him and this was when he felt the most vulnerable. He loved Cas so much that his emotional retardation was barely noticeable at times like this. Cas felt his pressure building as Dean fucked himself steadily while worshipping Cas’ neck, chest and lips with his mouth. 

Tears were slipping down Cas cheeks, overcome with Dean’s tenderness and attention, not feeling worthy and yet cherished by this beautiful soul that was his Dean. He face felt wetter than it should, but of course, Dean was crying too, both of them in sync with each other and the magnitude of the moment. They weren’t guaranteed much, but they had this precious bit of time together that might not last; this time that they were only assured of right now, and the dread that their time together could be forever shortened. Their lips met with a fierceness that expressed their intense need and longing for each other, that carried them away from this world, into their own unique little bit of heaven. As their desire grew, Dean’s fucked himself with a greater intensity and Cas had to thrust back with what strength he could gather, wanting to be inside of this man forever. The tilt of his hips made him bear into Dean’s prostate as they fucked madly.

Soon Dean was falling apart, thrusting with much less measured strokes and finally groaning, “Oh, fuck Cas, fuck me, oooohh, ‘m fuckin’ comin!” His muscles clamped down on Cas’ shaft in waves while he continued to thrust through his orgasm, and then Cas was tipped over the edge by the sight of Dean’s face, in ecstasy and he came hard, unloading himself with spasms of his own, pushing his hip upwards, trying to crawl all the way inside of Dean as far as he could get. Cas’ hands were gripping Dean’s hips so hard as he unloaded, that his muscles clenched and his hands felt glued to Dean. Dean collapsed on Cas’ chest with deep heaving breaths and slick sweaty skin sticky with cum.

Cas would love to go back and live in that moment, experience that all over again and again. If his life had to play on a loop that repeated itself over and over, he would choose that day, that wonderful sweet lazy day with Dean. He wanted to give that day to Dean again. There were so many wonderful days together, getting to know each other, pleasant times with each other, going through their daily routine even, but Cas remembered this day, the heartache and closeness they felt and wanted, and he desperately needed for there to be more of those in their future. He would do anything to be able to go back to the easy, comfortable days together. He would do anything for Dean.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rachel is torn. Dean tells Cas everything.

What had she done? This was snowballing way out of proportion. Her intension was to get a little sex under her belt and now there was this person in her head and this whole big mess that was Dean and Cas. Had Rachel screwed up Dean’s relationship with Cas? Cas was in a weakened state, unable to take care of himself and now she had complicated his life when all she wanted to do was help. When she had found that the reason Dean was working for Crowley was his need to take care of Cas, her heart had gone out to the couple and the more she snooped, the more she wanted to help. Here were two stellar people who due to an unexpected health crisis had become financially strapped, causing Dean to resort to an unconventional source of income. Rachel’s work at the hospital had opened up a way for her to understand the depth of what Dean was going through. Cas was basically a genius in his field with many accolades and was a prominent author of two recently published books. Dean was a very successful business man making them a financially well off couple before Cas had been diagnosed with leukemia. She had used her cache’ to research their financial records and was astounded at the monumental cost of Cas’ journey, through the health care system, just trying to stay alive.

Dean was, well he was breathtaking and achingly tender. Cas was a lucky, lucky man to have Dean at his side. She just knew that Dean had tried everything to cover Cas’ treatment costs, he sold their condo, used all of their substantial savings and retirement to stanch the bleeding of their bank accounts to no avail. The extreme cost of the cutting edge therapy continued to bleed them dry. If the first or even second course of treatments had worked they would have remained solvent, as it was the final course here at her Cancer Clinic had been the most expensive by far, leaving Dean unable to make his rent and boxing him in to a corner. She hated the situation for them, but could not feel sorry that Dean had come in to her life, in a very unorthodox way to be sure, and now she was afraid that by trying to help she had just complicated everything. If Dean had just cashed the DAMN check she could have remained anonymous. Dean’s extreme aversion to charity had forced her hand. Then last night, well, good God. Rachel did not want to walk away from this. She knew she should. Cas and Dean belonged together, they had a once in a lifetime love, and she was a fool to think she could insinuate herself in to their lives without consequences. She did not want to come between them, but the door had been opened, she’d had a taste of the crack that was Dean Winchester and she wanted more. Good God , what had she done? She was fucked.

When she had left Dean that morning he had been enthusiastic about talking to Cas, but Rachel was apprehensive about the outcome in the light of day. You don’t just spring on a possibly terminal man that his boyfriend sold his body to pay for his medical bills. She thought Dean was being too optimistic about Cas’ response, even if the money would kept them afloat and allow them to forget about the financial burden throughout the rest of Cas’ treatment. The money meant nothing to her; it was an inheritance from a maiden aunt that left it to her at a time when she and her children had already established a very comfortable life. It had been just sitting there drawing interest, so no big loss and it would do so much for Dean. Dean had given her so much in the span of a quick minute and she would have a hard time walking away if she had to. She shouldn’t even entertain the delusion that she had any place in Dean’s life, if nothing else in deference to Cas’ weakened state. Rachel’s resolve was nonexistent. Dean had shattered it last night when he had said he was looking forward to fucking her.

The fire that was ignited on the loveseat reached an inferno by the time they made it upstairs. Dean’s hands had made it into her slacks long before they had reached the top of the stairs. His fingers were inside her already, her hips canting up, the need for him to be inside her already driving all other thoughts to vacate her mind so she was running on pure lust. Dean was directing them onto the large bed, pulling at Rachel’s clothes, wanting her hot and dirty. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he whispered while getting her fully naked and shrugging his clothes off as well. Rachel edged her way back on to the bed and Dean was on top of her, entering her without pause. She was more than ready for him; she had been wet since she heard his deep voice greeting her earlier. Dean was above her, between her legs, holding her hips and pounding in to her with abandon, Rachel wrapped her legs around his waist and held on for dear life. 

Dean was so relieved that the money was from Rachel. He knew he shouldn’t, but it just felt right, being here with her and everything falling in to place. Initially it had been all about Cas, but now with Rachel in the picture he felt that the heavy weight he’d been carrying was lifted so he could just give in to the moment with no worries. And besides, Rachel was, well he might burn in hell for this, but she felt so good under him and it was hard to even think about Cas right now. Right now he just wanted to fuck her and forget about everything else. He grabbed her waist and pulled her up, turned her to face the wall, “Here baby, hold on.” Dean positioned her on her knees with her back to him and entered her from behind; his knees were in between her legs and he brought his chest in close to her back and snaked his hands around to her breasts. Rachel was expecting him to really batter her at that moment and instead Dean leaned into her neck, kissing it while he slowly fucked her from behind. She felt all of his body pressed against her; he was basically holding her in a way that supported them both so she was merely steadying them with her hands on the wall.

Rachel’s breasts felt heavy and soft in his hands. Every time Dean thought about Rachel’s body, he thought soft and wet. As he fucked into her he kneaded her breasts, brushing his thumbs over her nipples and tweaking them. They were erect and sensitive as she pressed her body back into Dean’s meeting him thrust for thrust. He was enveloped with soft and wet; her pussy was warm, slick and surrounded his cock with a pliable cushion as he sunk into her. Dean was devouring her neck, sending shivers down her body, her senses overwhelmed with the feel of Dean claiming every inch of her body. “So fuckin’ wet for me baby. God I love the way you feel,” Dean’s fingers had found their way to her clit circling the taut nub. “So fuckin’ wet,” he breathed into her ear as he laid soft wet kisses on it’s edge. Rachel rocked her hips back against him, trying to get more of him inside her. Dean had her pelvis gripped like a vice between his hand and his hips, escalating his assault on her pussy until she was panting with need. He kept fingering her while he thrust and soon she was coming, with Dean fucking her unrelentingly through her orgasm, not letting up and fucking her harder with each thrust, until he came shuddering, as he released yards of pent up emotion and white ropes of come into her. 

Their need for each other kept them busy on and off all through the night, touching and fucking rocking each other until they were exhausted then falling into a deep ocean of sleep. In the morning Dean was exuberant as a puppy and it was undeniable that he felt compelled to tell Cas about the money without reservation. Rachel on the other hand was becoming more apprehensive by the minute, knowing that anyone in love with Dean would be loathe to share him with anyone. She knew how he made her feel and Cas, well Cas was the love of Dean’s life. Rachel needed to walk away. She should give that to Dean, walking away would be the only honorable, ethical thing to do. She had crossed so many lines already and this was headed so far down the slippery slope she could feel the cold air rushing by.

Dean was hopeful, all he had to do now was explain to Cas how they were going to get out of the big monetary mess they were in, and all he had to do was get better. He knew that this opportunity to dig out of what had been a never ending hole had come by unconventional means and Cas would surely embrace Rachel as extraordinary as she was. 

Cas was dozing when Dean entered the room, leaned over and kissed his brow. His temperature was normal that was the first good sign. Cas azure eyes fluttered open and focused on Dean’s twinkling emeralds as a brilliant smile bloomed on his otherwise wan face. There was energy to the smile that belied his physical state.

“Hey baby, how’re you doing?”

“I’m good. Feel so much better; they say I’ve turned a corner. The treatment has been successful and…What is up with you? I haven’t seen you smile like that in while? Good news baby?” 

“Yeah, seems like we both have good news today. We need to talk, look at this,” Dean pulled the cashier’s check out of his pocket and prepared to come clean. It was all for him. Cas was it for him. 

 

The hurt look on Cas’ face was not what Dean was expecting as he detailed their near financial ruin and his efforts to hold it all together, missing sleep, working into the night and still failing. The bad investment was the final insult that made it impossible to return to their previous affluence. He told Cas about Sam lending money to them and then finally about Crowley’s proposition. He gushed a little about Rachel and how awesome she had been ending with the check Cas now had in his hand.

“Cas, angel, this money will help us to recover some of what we’ve lost and you can finish your treatments. They’re working right?” Dean clung to Cas’ hand with his left and patted it with his right with an earnest countenance. “Are you mad, I didn’t mean to..I just wanted to take care of things and I…I ran out of options.” Cas had been quiet during the whole time Dean was revealing the truth about the last two years: how Dean with blood, sweat, tears and selling himself had taken care of him and he did not feel worthy of this precious man’s devotion.

“No Dean, I..I’m just so sorry that, well I had no idea it’s been so….I feel so selfish.” Cas was overcome with emotion realizing how out of touch with reality he had been.

“Baby, you were sick and I knew you couldn’t…and I didn’t want to worry you. You had no energy and I wanted you to use all of it to get well. That was your job. It still is. You are getting better and we’re gonna make it through this together. And now we don’t have to worry about the money because of Rachel. I would’ve never if…I mean I never have before…and this was, well it was the only thing at the time. I had run out of options, I never meant to hurt you.”

“Dean , you did not hurt me. I am so sorry you had to deal with this all by yourself. I wish…well I wish things had been different….we’ve been through so much and you….you Dean Winchester are my hero.”

Cas had scooted to the far side of the bed and Dean let down the guardrail to climb in the hospital bed beside him. They lay chest to chest with care to move around the tubes and equipment, touching as much as possible, Dean laying soft kisses on Cas’ lips. They were quiet, breathing each other in, and resting their foreheads together. 

“Dean? Tell me more about Rachel.”

Dean realized he was gushing a little and kept his eyes on Cas, looking for any sign that he was making him uncomfortable. He obviously downplayed the sex and tried to give Cas a picture of how kind she had been to them both, going above and beyond what most people would do. She had risked her job with her probing and had tried to remain anonymous in the end. He wanted Cas to understand that he almost turned the money if she hadn’t pursued the matter.

“So, she works here?”

“Yeah, yeah, she’s the head of education or something as well as a nurse.”

“I’d like to meet her.”

“Really? I..I was hoping..I mean you don’t have to…she knows that…well, that you will always come first with me… and you don’t need to…I mean the money is ours. No strings. I will never see her again if…” 

Cas looked at Dean with the same calmness he usually did. “Dean, I know how hard it is for you to let someone in, and Rachel got through that crack. I know this hasn’t been easy on you so I want to meet her.” Cas handed Dean the check. “So go take care of this and then bring your girlfriend by, I want to meet her.”

“She’s not…well.”

“Just arrange it Dean, but, not today. Too much right now…but bring her by.” They said their goodbyes and Dean left for the bank. He called Rachel on the way to his car, “Hey you.” Dean’s voice was soft and deep, fueled with last night’s ardor and Rachel’s resolve melted. “Hey you.”

“ ‘s all good. Cas wants to meet you. He was good with it. I knew he would be. He’s…well there is no way you won’t like him. No way he won’t like you either…so maybe tomorrow?”

“Yeah, yeah tomorrow will be good. I know he’s wonderful. You love him so he has to be perfect. I…don’t know if I should though…I mean…we shouldn’t have and now…”

“Do not back out on me ‘Rache’. He’s really okay with this and…I…need…you…too. I need you too and I can’t,” Dean faltered with an audible catch in his voice. Rachel could not ignore his plea.

“What time Dean. I’ll be there. I’ll do whatever you need. Be whatever…when?”


	3. Chapter 3

Rachel barely slept. The war in her head was not very conducive to rest. When she had showered and dressed with care this morning she felt unsure if she could get through her day at work, much less be able to face Cas this afternoon. She actually wanted to meet him and was fascinated about his relationship with Dean, but she was sure that Dean was very mistaken about Cas’ take on the matter. No one is that forgiving. She was doing this for Dean. Please God, don’t let me make this worse than it already is. She texted Dean in the morning to confirm the afternoon appointment, they were planning on meeting at Cas’ room after work so they could be there together. Her work day was long and tedious; she went through the motions woodenly and very distracted. At least three people asked her if she was okay and she demurred, pleading poor night’s sleep without revealing the cause of her anxiety. Dean was already at Cas’ bedside when she made her way from her office to the ward. He was very GQ in his tailored navy suit, blue button down and blue and green striped tie that made his eyes radiant, or was that gleam a reflection of Cas’ presence. They made polite introductions, Rachel’s heart was beating out of her chest, her deodorant had to work overtime, and she had a minuscule flicker of resent that Dean and Cas looked so calm and relaxed. 

Rachel was blown away by Cas’ pale beauty, very opposite from Dean who was breathtaking and solidly built. Cas was frail looking, pale skin, slight build and had hauntingly liquid blue eyes. His eyes were piercingly alert, his head was covered with a messy shock of dark hair that curled along his neck and he was smiling at her with openness. Rachel attempted small talk and asked about how their respective days went. The market had done well for Dean that day and Cas was feeling optimistic about his condition having turned a corner in his response to the current treatment regimen. The nausea had finally ceased, his white blood cells were on the rise and he had been able to eat more than usual. 

After the niceties were exchanged, Cas and Dean both thanked Rachel again for the gift, Cas cleared his throat, “Dean? Leave us for a while. I would like to talk to Rachel alone.” Dean shot him a look of apprehension and Cas reassured him, “Don’t worry. I just want to get to know her a little better. I’m sure you have some clients to check on.”

“Rachel are you…?”

“Dean. Just go. I promise I will behave myself.” Cas meant for him to leave and Dean had not heard that tone of voice from Cas in a while, but he recognized it as one he did not want to ignore. Cas shooed him away but not without Dean planting a big kiss on him. He squeezed Rachel’s hand on the way out.

“Sit please?” Cas smiled again at Rachel and again she wondered at the calm this man was exuding allowing her to become a little more relaxed. She felt she was auditioning for a part that she had no chance of getting even though she knew she was meant to play this role. And as if Cas was reading her mind he tried to put her more at ease, “Please Rachel, relax. You’ve already won Dean’s heart and for me, that is all I need to know about you. You are not to try and impress me. Please, I really just want to tell you about Dean. Things he won’t tell you. Things I need you to know.”

Rachel’s heart warmed with Cas first statement and then plummeted. What did Cas mean? She saw sadness in his eyes and weariness in his demeanor, even though he always had at least a hint of a smile whenever he mentioned Dean’s name.

“So I understand that you researched our lives and my illness?”

“I am so sorry. I never should have…”

“Please Rachel,” Cas reached for her hand, it was cool but she wanted to cry at his touch, he was tender in his grip and she felt honored. He must have a most beautiful soul. She knew now why Dean loved this man so much. “I am comforted by your presence, not threatened, so please do not apologize to me. I prayed for you.” Rachel’s heart caught again. She had come to know that Cas was a very spiritual person and she felt unworthy of his benevolence toward her. “I don’t understand,” Rachel returned. 

“Let me tell you what Dean was like when I met him. We met in undergrad. Dean was a waiter at a café I had frequented long before he worked there. When I first laid eyes on him I was mesmerized. I usually spent time there, grading papers in between classes, as a break from my office. Watching Dean work the room was pure entertainment. He had this way about him that lit people’s eyes up. He still does.” Rachel met his eyes and nodded in agreement. She tried to imagine a younger version of Dean waiting tables. “He was a terrible flirt. He always knew the right thing to do or say; he made great tips. He also collected a lot of phone numbers. You could just see the coeds panting over him. He caught me drooling as well,” he chuckled softly remembering when Dean had confronted him that day.

“He didn’t usually have my section and so we had not had a lot of contact at first. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him and of course he noticed. One day when it was relatively slow he caught me staring at him again and I guess he was curious to know why. I assumed he thought I was creepy and wanted to warn me off.” Cas paused savoring the memory. “He was charming, so unlike me. I’ve always been awkward in social situations. He put me at ease, seemed genuinely interested in my work and we began conversing a little each time I was there. I was hooked from the first sight of him, and then when he started paying attention to me….well I fantasized that Dean was mine. That we were already in a relationship, but as they say, I was ‘crushing’ on him, and Dean was just being sociable with me. I mean he was sincere when we spoke, but I obviously had my emotions all in and it was very one sided. So of course I made an ass out of myself.”

“Aaw,” Rachel could just picture the two of them. “I’m sure you didn’t, I mean you guys got together right?”

“I most certainly did make an ass of myself, and to Dean’s credit, he graciously forgave me. Even after I, well.” Cas sighed poignantly and continued with the most embarrassing part of his tale.

“I had left home in a sort of disgrace, my parents unequivocally against my life choices. I had no preference sexually which they could not tolerate. When I met Dean I had just come out of a really bad relationship, with a man, the year prior. I was a little damaged and was not pursuing any kind of relationship at that time. But then Dean…well Dean, you know. He was the dream boyfriend in my mind. Gorgeous, smart, witty and his ass…glorious, am I right?” Cas beamed at Rachel and she couldn’t hold back her own grin with the vision of that very ass taking front and center in her mind’s eye. “Right, it is spectacular, isn’t it?” Rachel nodded her assent to the man’s query. He was not wrong.

“To me Dean was obviously straight, I noticed his attention was focused on women, but you know when you’re enamored the fantasy takes over a life of it’s own, so I had begun to think of Dean as mine. Like he was secretly gay or bisexual and he just didn’t know yet. Well one day I obviously was not very observant and out of need made my way to the men’s room. I tried to open the door but it was locked and overheard Dean having sex. Oh, I knew it was him as the blonde with him was shouting his name. I was immobile and to my shame I stood there and listened. When I realized they were finished reality sunk in and I bolted out of there. Dean saw me run out. I went home and cried myself to sleep that night, and the next several nights. I mean, it is a plague to gay men, falling for a straight man, so cliché, right?” Again Rachel just nodded, not wanting to interrupt Cas’ story. She was hooked from the moment he said, “I want to tell you about Dean.”

“Well I couldn’t show my face in the café for a month. I was mortified. I couldn’t concentrate. My classes were intense that last year and I could not afford to lose ground. After a while I began to adjust, lots of junk food and sappy movies helped me through the worst of it. It turned out, miraculously, I had made some sort of connection with Dean. The secret about that is that I think we were meant for one another. That I was right and the universe agreed with me, that Dean was mine. He made the first move. He looked me up and e mailed me, asked to meet. That meeting was… well it was a great beginning for us. I apologized and we talked for hours. Dean bravely admitted that he liked me and the rest is, as we say, history.”

Rachel squeezed Cas’ hand gently, urging him to go on, she was enrapt with the story and knew there had to be a lot more. “What happened next, I want to know,” she urged.

Cas smiled, remembering all of the good times was very soothing to him. “Well we were inseparable from that time on. I would spend Christmas with his family, they are very important to Dean, especially his brother Sam.”

“I met him actually, here in the hospital. We talked for a while. I admit I was pumping him for information without him knowing I had any connection to Dean. I just listened and he needed someone to talk to. I guess I took advantage of the situation, but I really wanted Dean to have the money. He wasn’t cashing the check and when I saw Sam, I couldn’t help myself. It was due to our talk that I realized Dean was probably not going to cash the check and I had to do something. I just could not sit by and watch, well, you two deserved it. I had to…”

Cas nodded, “Don’t apologize for a thing Rachel. As I was saying, Sam and Dean are very close and he was the first one in his family Dean told about our relationship. Sam knew his brother well enough to know something had changed, he saw that Dean was happy and questioned him. He was very accepting and we hit it off right away. Dean moved with me to Chicago when I was courted by Loyola to come and finish my research and teach there. Dean was by my side through it all. School, work, writing those books and finally this, this drain on my body.”

“I’m sure you were there for him too.” Rachel said with feeling and again trying to let Cas know she was with him by the soft grasp of her hand.

“Oh, sure, sure it was very much a two way street at first. My life with Dean has been more than I could ever hope for, but these last three years have been hell on him.”

“And you too.”

“Of course the illness has taken it’s toll on me, but the thing I’m most afraid of…is…leaving Dean alone.”

“You’re not….things are going well now…you’re getting better, the treatment’s working.”

Cas looked at her with a deep sadness, “Working? Look at me. My body is worn out and I may not make it through to next week.”

“Don’t say that, we…”

“Oh, I would never say it to Dean, but you have to realize, we’ve been here before. I’ve gotten better before and then crashed and burned. Look at what it’s done to Dean, I mean he resorted to…I apologize, but…he’s resorted to taking money for sex. No, don’t say anything. I’m getting tired and I want to finish. The way you and Dean met is of no consequence to me, none whatsoever, I know Dean did it for me, know he would do anything…again I’m sorry, but the thought of me leaving him alone is breaking my heart. I don’t know from day to day whether or not I will still be here.” Rachel tried to speak and Cas’ silenced her again, “Let me finish.”

“I have been praying for you ever since we heard the initial diagnosis of leukemia. One of my first thoughts was that Dean would be lost without me. I would merely die, but he would be alone, bereft. I couldn’t bear the thought of him grieving. I still can’t. You know him enough to know that I speak the truth. Dean is the most loyal person you will ever meet and I…..” Cas’ could not help the tears that were welling up, “So I prayed for you. I don’t want to leave him, but it may be beyond my control. But now you are here. So I want to get to know you. I want you to come for more stories about Dean. I want to hear about your children. You have a grandchild?”

“Yes a six month old granddaughter, she’s beautiful.”

“Good, good. Let Dean know we’re done, I need to rest now.” 

“Here let me straighten things out for you,” Rachel offered, going into nurse mode. This was something she could do, it was not nearly enough for this sweet man and she fussed over his bedding, straightening and tucking. “Can I get you anything? Water?”

“Yes, please and Dean. Get me Dean.” His eyes were droopy but his breathing was even, so Rachel called Dean. He was there within a few minutes, his eyes searching hers to see how thing went. Rachel leaned over and kissed Cas on the cheek and said softly in his ear, “I’ll be back tomorrow if that’s okay?”

Cas turned his head to smile at her and gave the slightest nod, “I’d like that, please come back.”

With that she turned to leave and as she was brushing by Dean, he caught her hand and questioned her with his eyes. 

“Call me later. You just stay here now.” She squeezed his hand and made her way out the door and home. She bawled all the way. Too much. Too much. Sweet, sweet Cas. Such beautiful souls. These two precious men. Rachel’s heart was wrecked, stolen by Dean and… Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want a happy ending. Feel free to let me know what you think. I have plans for the next stage of the trio's journey. Maybe by the end of the weekend. Supposed to snow Saturday so I will have time.


End file.
